Wednesday, October 20, 2010

I'm Absolutely Terrified!

So let me be honest. I'm absolutely freaking terrified of writing this book.

For one thing, NaNoWriMo, though super exciting, is also just a Li'l bit scary. That's a lot of words, in not a lot of time.....

For another thing it's horror. 
Let me tell you a story about when I was in 3rd grade. It was around Halloween, and we had an assignment: write a scary story. I wrote it. It's title was A Little Girl's Horror. I worked so hard on it, and was so proud of it, that I brought it in to school early, and showed it to my classmates! Apparently, scaring your classmates in 3rd grade is rather frowned upon. I got in trouble, and was even made to see a therapist. I haven't written any "scary" story since then. Not one. Since I was.... about 88 or 9.  I turn 20 during NaNo.

I'm scared that I wont be good at it anymore. I'm scared that once again, people will get angry at me. I'm scared that once again, people will question my mental health. And I'm scared that once again, people will be disappointed in me. My mother was so upset by my story. When I was 8 or 9, her opinion meant a lot to me. Her opinion still means a lot to me. Right now, my relationship with my mother is strained, at best, but still, her approval means a lot to me.

And then there's just the accuracy-problem. My book deals with a condition called Selective Mutism. I was never a Selective Mute. I have never known a selective mute. In fact, until I read a memoir about a women who specialized in selective mutism, I had never even heard of the problem. I've read a bunch of books now, an scoured the internet for information. But some of my information may not be right, because I don't have first-hand knowledge of the condition. Even more of my knowledge my be wrong, because I choose to disregard it. Because it doesn't fit with my story. Plus my Selectively Mute character is my antagonist. She's my horror-monster. My bad guy. I don't want to offend anyone who has dealt with or knows someone who dealt with Selective Mutism.

I guess this is mostly just a rant.


Sounds like you're really good at writing horror! Maybe don't show it to your mother though...

With regards to researching, the Reference Desk forum might be of use:

Thanks Jon :) I have been using the Reference Desk (although oddly enough, someone beat me to selective mutism!) for bunches of research.

Post a Comment

Twitter Delicious Facebook Digg Stumbleupon Favorites More