What would I do?

Today I was reading Rissa's Blog which was about what you'll do when you sell your book. Honestly, I have never thought about it before. I have fantasized about seeing my name on the NY Times Best Seller List. I have imagined my children, when I have them, telling their friends that their Mommy is a writer. I imagine reading my own book to my elementary school class.

But that's all of the unreal sort of fantasy. It's the type of fantasy that little girls have when they dress up and pretend that they're movie stars. It's not what they really believe in, what they really expect, or even necessarily what they want. It's just a game. Some fun other life to try on, but it doesn't mean anything. I will attempt to find a publisher because it's a fantasy that would ROCK if it came true, but it doesn't really matter to me. I write because I love to write.

I will publish because there is no reason I shouldn't, but I realized that I really don't care. There are only 3 things I want from my writing.
1) To write. I'm already doing that. YAY!
2) A fan. I really only need one. More than that would be lovely, but I'd be quite happy if I could just have that one.
3) A copy of my book printed and bound. Something that I can hold in my hands and say "LOOKIT! I DID IT! I MADE A BOOK!" I'd be happy on a personal level, even if I just self-published it. Unfortunately, I think a lot of people are hoping and expecting more from me, and if I just gave up when it got hard, and self-published, I'd be somewhat ashamed too. I'd love being able to hold my book, but I'd never be able to show it to anyone and be proud. I might not even be able to let it sit on a visible book shelf. (This only applies to my novel. I do plan on writing at least one book specifically for my sisters, and since they are the only ones I want to have that one, it will be self-published. That's different. I'll be quite proud of that one!)

I started rambling. Oops.

My point was, I never really thought about what I would do if I got something published, because it never mattered much to me. So starting now, I'm making it matter.

But I still have no idea what I'll do. Any suggestions?

Posted in: fantasy,publishing